What’s Up at The Zone
Upcoming Excitement/Events/ Special Hours
We knew that you were experiencing high degrees of irritability, some serious discontent, and even periods of genuine lonely isolation at being deprived of the real news and updates from the ZONE. Well, your problems are solved, not all of your problems of course; in fact compared to the rest of the problems you may have, solving these few could seem rather insignificant. Nevertheless, below you will find an ever-changing selection of tasty morsels to keep you informed of the events, both real and imagined, occurring at ULTRAZONE San Diego.
ONE HOUR ENDURANCE- Mother’s Day , May 8th 1:00pm
WOW AN AFTERNOON ENDURANCE! You know the deal: 60 minutes of continuous play for only $20.00, which is way, way too cheap!
Now this ULTRAZONE infamous event is CASH ONLY WITH NO REFUNDS.
We encourage you to get down here and sign up and reserve your spot to avoid the last minute rush.
Mother’s Day- We Open at 2:00pm- Mom’s Play Free!
HEY LET’S GET MOM IN “THE ZONE!” –Mom’s play free all day on “Mom’s Day. Maybe brunch then flowers, then some candy and then ULTRAZONE!
WE ARE HIRING!!!!!
This is your chance to become part of The ZONE Team. We are hiring for summer and weekends. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Look for our reply and the process begins
New Discoveries In THE ZONE- The Return of Mystical Alan, the Scenic Painter
New elements appear in The Underground City of the Far Future are now part of your experience
THURSDAY NIGHT IS COLLEGE NIGHT–3rd GAME FREE
Another ZONE tradition returns for fall. Hey college people, buy 2 games at regular price and get the 3rd game free! Just our way of helping the “starving student.”
College Sororities and Fraternities- “MAKE US A DEAL WE CAN’T REFUSE!”
College Greeks have been using ULTRAZONE as a venue for “Rush Events,” “Bid Nights,” “Date Nights” etc. You want to have a great chapter night out, but money is always tight so go ahead and MAKE US AN OFFER WE CAN’T REFUSE! We know this sounds crazy but we’re encouraging you to just tell us what you think is reasonable in your House budget and we can go from there. Remember we’ve hosted events with over 100 players so we’ll be able to accommodate your entire group.
LATE NIGHT AT THE ZONE”- Friday and Saturday Midnight to 2:00am
A San Diego mainstay for the late night crowd, with a reduced price of $6.50 per game. Players start lining up around 11:30-11:45 to be part of the Late Night scene- see you this weekend!
Carpe PM…Seize the Night- Corporate Groups “Own the ZONE”
The business community continues to turn to the nocturnal world of ULTRAZONE for their major event needs. Our corporate event and teambuilding program has really reached new levels of popularity. We continue to be flattered by the letters of appreciation and complimentary comments that come our way.
Excavation Reveals Portal to The ZONE- Embrace the New “Entry!”
Check out the unbelievable transformation to our front entry. Note the “ICONS” from our logo symbolizing the Arena. The ZONE transforms- yet again!
ULTRAZONE Is A “Gum Free” ZONE
After removing more gum from the lobby and briefing room carpet than you could even possibly imagine (we’re talking many hundreds of ugly carpet gum messes each year), we’ve decided that WE’RE DONE WITH GUM. That’s right you and your gum will have to part company BEFORE you enter ULTRAZONE. There’s a really nice, large cement trash receptacle near the front door, so just gear yourself up to spit that bad boy into the can.
Of course we’re never really been able to understand why anyone would spit their gum onto the carpet anyway, but we do have a few theories
The “Chewing Gum Challenged” Theory.
In their early development, these poor folk never learned to keep items in their mouth while chewing, certainly a true tragedy. Consequently, gum and other foodstuffs just fly out of their mouths depositing on other people or objects or ultimately the floor. It is unknown whether this malady is a problem with poor childrearing or a genetic anomaly.
The “Hostile Gum Chewer-It Sucks To Be You” Theory.
Now these are the more aggressive and angry gum chewers. They get great pleasure thinking about the ULTRAZONE staff that clean up their gum. They find the best location they can, and then they spit their gum onto the designated carpet target area and then immediately press the gum into the carpet with their foot. Obviously from abusive gum chewing households, they continue the abusive pattern into public places.
The “Duh, What Happened to My Gum” Theory.
Perhaps the most heart rendering theory, these unfortunate chewers have no memory of what happened to their gum- sort of a brain-mouth disconnect if you will. They are shocked to find that they are no longer chewing the gum that was, at a prior moment, in their mouths. They simply no longer have a lucid connection to the gum chewing moment. This is a form of amnesia caused by a trauma to the head or by just being a moron
The “Heathen/Raised by Wolves” Theory-
A product of a culture very foreign from one we typically see in normal society, this gum chewer can be recognized by a pattern of abnormal gum chewing. These sub-humans chew with mouths open and are known to “crack” their gum and then just spit it randomly onto the ground. The gum “cracking” is only recently recognized as a sub-vocal warning of territorial rights, much as the male gorilla beats his chest to signify dominance. Oblivious to others outside of their basic tool making society, attempts to get them to disengage from such practice are rarely successful and often met with aggressive posturing.
Bottom line is that gum chewing is pretty much a sickening and nasty habit!
So remember gum and ULTRAZONE don’t mix!